The Horror Weenie's List

For those of us who absolutely cannot deal with real horror films or have short people to deal with, I offer this list of cinematic fright that's a bit more in our league.

5) The Nightmare Before Christmas - covers two holidays with one blow! Though Danny Elfman should be shot for one of the most stuck-in-my-head scores ever devised by the hand of man.
4) Hocus Pocus - scary enough for the kids, and Bette Midler with rodent-scale buck teeth scares the jeebus out of me, for sure.
3) Witches - Roald Dahl, the master of kid-lit horror pens the story and Anjelica Houston as an evil witch. Does it get any better than that?
2) Casper the Friendly Ghost - an incredibly cool faux Art Deco haunted house wrapped around a plot as insipid as a cubic mile of Halloween candy gleanings in March. Plus it is training wheels for the true horror to come - THE SEQUEL (which is truly one of the most heinous acts of celluloid ever perpetrated on the mind of man).

And the very best horror-lite film ever seen is - The Adams Family! Raul Julia and Angelica Houston create a pair of characters that will never be topped for elegant screen presence, and adding Christopher Lloyd's Fester just takes it right over the top for pure, matter-of-fact creepiness.

Joshua
A Christian Film that isn't ashamed of it.
DVD Review

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I wrote the first draft of this review a week ago and posted it here, and was PASTED by several people via email and in person. It's taken me this long to gird my loins and try this dance again. I've expanded my comments to try to deal with some of the miscommunications that seem to have caused some of the issues. Please feel free to refute me, particularly if you've seen the film. I do reserve the right to publically castigate the first person to call me a heretic, though. It's been done now, and I know you guys can call names better than that! ;)
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We've passed this one by in the video store quite a few times in the last year. I've picked it up a few times on the strength of Tony Goldwyn and F. Murray Abraham on the cover, but it always got put back in favor of whatever the kids absolutely had to see today. We finally ended up with it when the girls couldn't get their hands on Spirited Away again. I'm glad we did.

So many times you watch these things, and you wonder seriously about the people who make them. You know they want to share their faith with the world. But then commercial reality and fear of the market kick in. There's a sort of nod-nod-wink-wink that obscures the message with a coat of sardonic, knowing gloss that lets it go down a little easier for those who are a bit uncomforable with this whole thing. Or they bury it in historical detail and avoid the divine aspects of the story. Sometimes they just push it back into the past, where those who are inclined to write it off as fairy tales can leave it. Whether they know it or not, they will often sabotage themselves with weaknesses that let people dismiss them as craziness or trickery - using the same voice for God and Moses in "Prince of Egypt", for example.

This film chooses none of those things. They slap it right out there in the open from the moment he opens his tool-apron and you see those rope-wrapped handles and he kneels to pray over them (actually, you probably didn't miss it in the production company's logo). Then he really goes to work. He hits the ground running with his words to the Reverend who comes to yell at him for starting to rebuild his destroyed church without asking first, and then continues by hiking through town with that huge log on his shoulder. Of course, you can't really believe it at first. This has to just be a coincidence that this guy is carrying a huge log on one shoulder though town with a flock of amazed folk following him. He's just a really nice guy, right?

Tony Goldwyn takes a very non-traditional tack with the character. In many ways, he's a practical study in how to live the precepts of the gospel while still living in our world. He's easy with the modern world, but with a subtle sort of awkwardness with the little details of modern living that is quite winning. He plays pool and a guitar, but he doesn't drive. He uses the modern vernacular, but only the mildest langauge. It sounded weird to hear a character use the word "heck" in normal conversation these days. He gets taken in by one of the CD club junk mail things we all throw away, and watching him prying his way into that plastic wrap covering the CD with a chisel brought a smile.

I do have to mention Kurt Fuller's stellar turn as Father Pat. He is far better known for his humerous roles, but he takes that self-depreciating grin and adds a warmth and humanity to this bumbling cleric that really makes you believe in his character's frailty, but also the strength that's hiding underneath it. By the end of the film, you feel the town is in good hands.

The film is based off a novel by Joseph Girzone, a retired Catholic priest. The story doesn't stray far from the essential thread. They sprinkle the telling references all through the text. It's almost like a checklist of the Gospels, but in modern terms. It isn't loaves and fishes, but a woman who can't cook trying to make corn fritters and fried snapper. We have the helpful priest, who is a fisherman who can't catch either fish or men. I already mentioned the log, but I didn't mention that it doesn't rain in the barn Joshua rents, even though there are huge holes in the roof. Winds and tides obey his command, check.

They don't shy away from the big things, either. The whole healing the blind girl and raising the dead aren't hidden, or explained away. The last dinner in the town, there are the 12 people who helped him the most (though they do rather heavy-handedly point that one out). He doesn't have to face a court of Sadducees, but the confrontation with the head priest and his cardinal friend has that tenor. I don't know how seriously the rest of the world would take a formal condemnation of the Church, but I can imagine at that moment how it would feel for Jesus to be hit with one.

They didn't duck that punch, either. The Catholic church is supposed to be his church as administered by Peter after he left. Most of the Protestant sects like to forget that, or openly disbelieve it. This film bit the bullet, and didn't cut them out. It didn't put them on a pedestal, either. He hangs with people of all faiths, and even no faith.

The different denominations work together. It is rarely shown how much the various churches in a town like that cooperate with each other. In the film you have Baptists, Catholics, Jews, and a very non-traditional Nondenominational sect (led by the real Christian band "Third Day") all living and working side by side, and there are people in town who don't belong to any of them and somehow they all come together. They manage to handle the travelling faith-healer with a delicacy that totally shocked me. We're lucky in our town to have a similar cooperation between the clergy of the various faiths, and it does a lot of good work. And no one around here missed the irony of having F. Murray Abraham as a Catholic priest, preaching an intensely genteel sermon about sin and fire and brimstone.

They managed to avoid another pitfall, which is to demonify the antagonist. Of course, for every cat there must be a fine rat, and the local parish preist is ours. He hears what is going on from his subordinate who is helping Joshua, and he goes into the predictable frenzy of scepticism. He doesn't trust the stranger, and he's so in love with the glory of Rome he's a bit impatient with his small-town parish and his less-than-polished second. When he meets Joshua, all he sees is the woodcarver he hired to make a statue to St. Peter for his church. When this guy starts just doing random acts of kindness with absolutely no reason behind it he can see, he draws the conclusion it must be for some ulterior reason. He can't seem to convince anyone around him though, so he calls in the big guns in the Vatican.

Like all the works of man, the film has quite a few flaws. They hit just about every cliche possible with the secondary cast. And I mean EVERY cliche possible. I know that they were trying to avoid him running afoul of the reporter-lady, but their dealings with her and her feelings are ham-handed in the beginning, so the closure makes absolutely no sense at all. The last 15 minutes of the film are improbable, at best. There is just no amount of good acting that can save this. I do want to point out that Abraham and Godwyn and Giancarlo Giannini give it their very good best, though, and save it from the depths of awfulness it could have descended into in lesser hands. And I honestly can't think of a way to make it work in a probable fashion - I mean, come on, we're dealing with an audience between the sitting Pope and Jesus Christ.

The score was written by Michael W. Smith, and he lightens up some of his usual Tammy Faye Baker-style orchestrations to a few simple piano motifs that I enjoyed. Others called it "treacly", but it was fitting to the materials, I thought. Third Day, Point of Grace, and a cast of gospel greats join in to make the soundtrack a Who's Who of modern Christian music.

It's been really hard for me to keep my own faith out of this review, because one of the things this film does really well is make you think about faith and it's relationship with our world today. I just want to leave you with this. After all is said and done, this film boils down to a simple question. Not the over-used "What would Jesus do?", but rather, "If Jesus was standing in front of you would you recognize him?" I don't know if I would or not, but I've definately been thinking about it.

Guest Reviews by PubliusToo

Subject: RE: movZilla: Coming Attractions
From: PubliusToo
Date: Oct 13 2003 3:37PM

You skipped two:

Kill Bill
Just saw Volume 1, and it's a killer--literally. Wow!! Double Wow!! Bloody, and in the style of Pulp Fiction. Definitely not for the weak of stomach. Mercifully for the audience, parts of the bloodiest scenes are shot in black and white.

Lost in Translation
Saw it too. A real snoozer. Bill Murray and his co-star (what's her name?) are brilliant, but the plot and dialogue are simply too slow for mortal man or woman seeking entertainment. I have only one word to describe it: Ennui, from the Latin derivative meaning a "real snoozer."

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Cool! Thanks for the input. I hadn't seen either one of these yet, so this was great info for me. If you out there in web-ville have any flick you just want to rant or rave about, please drop me a line at the link in the upper right. ;)

Coming Attractions...

The movie-season is here. Well, most people would call it the Holiday Season, but we won't fault them for having skewed priorities. Here's a quick glimpse of some of the interesting stuff coming down the pike.

Theatrical Releases

Brother Bear - November 1
Disney's latest "cute" flick, but it looks like it might have some depths to it. If nothing else, we're going to see it for those stupid moose in the trailer. They look hysterical. See http://www.apple.com/trailers/disney/brother_bear.html for a trailer, or disney.com for all the hype you can stand.

The Matrix: Revolution - November 5
We loved the first one, and survived the second based on the hope that this one will make it all worth it. The preview buzz looks promising - the wonks who've been seeing the previews are waxing rhapsodic. One way or another, hold on to your butts. See http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/ for trailers.

Master and Commander - November 14
Russell Crowe visits the time of Horatio Hornblower, in this adaptation of a Patrick O'Brian novel. I liked the Hornblower books better, but from what I've seen, this flick looks pretty good too. See http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/master_and_commander/ for a trailer.

The Cat in the Hat - November 21
We all know this story too. What we don't know is if Mike Meyers can step into Jim Carrey's furry shoes for this Seuss adaptation. It's not yet rated, and I've not found any buzz on it. Don't know if we'll gamble on this one or cut our losses by waiting on the DVD.

The Last Samurai - December 5
The story of an American military officer hired by the Emperor of Japan to train the country's first army in the art of modern warfare. Tom Cruise stars, and lots of battle scenes co-star. No house-apes for this one (rated R) but looks like good period-fodder, though. See http://lastsamurai.warnerbros.com/home.php for info.

LOTR: The Return of the King - December 17
Finally going to be King. Need I say more? We're not going to be at the mammoth all-three-movies-back-to-back geekathon down at the Cinerama (ticket price is OUTRAGEOUS), but we will be there the next day. If you're interested, here's the list of theaters who will be doing the marathons - http://www.lordoftherings.net/trilogy/theaters.html.


DVD (check your rental place for their specific dates)

Matrix: Reloaded - October 14
Just in time for the release of the next film, this one hits DVD. Besides, 100 of Hugo Weaving can't be bad.... ;)

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - October 17th
The first film had a great deal of in-your-face charm. We'll be renting this one, mostly due to the complete lack of anything else even remotely suitable being released that week. That, and Mom's secret wish to be able to land a guy just by flipping her hair.

Dragonslayer - October 21
More MST3K: The Home Game fodder. Another heinously hackneyed early-eighties fantasy flick that Matthew Robbins (of "Batteries Not Included" and "Mimic" fame) probably wishes he could forget. Cliched dragon-poking fun for the whole family!

The Hulk - October 22
Movie was lukewarm, but I've found these play lots better on DVD. Those long, slow pans that seem to take years, well, that's what that button labelled fast-forward is for. The extras will definately be interesting on this one, too.

Finding Nemo - November 4
Loved this film in theaters. Sweet, funny, with some great heart. Not loving the continuous-play fest my kids are going to put me through once we get this one home, though. Pixar always gives good extra, too.

Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines - November 11
Just like Pokemon, you gotta catch 'em all! Whoops! Wrong celluloid-cocaine. The original Terminator is still one of my favorite movies of all time. This one, well, it's a thrashing cinematic trainwreck but Arnold's new jobs adds an interesting subtext.

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life - November 18
The best that could be said about this one is that it was better than the first one. The guys like this one for obvious reasons, and the girls like to see her kick butt. At this point, I'll do just about anything to take the taste of the game out of my mouth, so we'll get it.