Geeky Landscape Appreciation...

There is some serious pulchritude heading our way this summer, gang. Hugh Jackman fills out a dark trenchcoat in Van Helsing, Orlando Bloom as Paris in the movie Troy (seriously, who else are you gonna get, guys?). My daughters swoon over Toby McGuire's Spiderman, and the guys ogle Kirsten Dunst.

Who are you waiting impatiently to see on the big screen again?

Hellboy Review on it's way....

I have a review of Hellboy in over at Gamerdad. Will be available for your delectation tomorrow-ish.

Enjoy!

And now for something COMPLETELY different...
To celebrate the re-release of "The Life of Brian" for it's 25th anniversary, we're going to take time again and look at what's coming down the pike here in the next few months in theaters and rentals.

Theaters:

Ella Enchanted (April 9, 2004): For the younger set, this one is another of the fractured fairy tale genre. A young girl is blessed/cursed with "obedience", and goes adventuring to get rid of it. Could be intriguing, or could be sacharine tripe. Either way, my daughters are waiting impatiently.

Alamo (Apr 9, 2004): We'll have to see on this one. The advance word is NOT looking good. Looks like most of the guys are still wibbling themselves into a geeky gelatinous mass over Hellboy, so the only advance word I can find is from female reviewers. They are probably not this film's intended audience, so I'm waiting until I see more to make a decision.

Van Helsing (May 7, 2004): Sick and tired of having to wade through three or four different horror films to get your monster fix? No need to worry - this one's got them all. You've got Dracula of course, complete with three half-dressed lovelies as henchpeople. You've got Frankenstein and Igor, and you've got the Wolf Man. They're all here in one flick, topped off with a heavily armed Hugh Jackman for those of us who are horror weenies and need a shoulder to hide our eyes in during the "good parts".

Shrek 2 (May 21, 2004): Our favorite onion-like ogre is back, and has to face his worst menace ever - his in-laws! Looks like an ironic good time again with the original voices back, and some serious new talent to bring Dreamworks fairytale kingdoms to life.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (June 4, 2004): Something wicked this way comes, all right; long lines full of short people in front of the theaters! Not even bothering to get within half a mile of our local good theater that first week. I finally found out where else I've seen David Thewlis (Remus Lupin) - he was King Einon in Dragonheart. The Dementor looks way too creepily cool, and the boggart in the shape of Snape is just as I imagined it. This is where the story starts to take a turn for the dark, and it looks like Cuaron is going to ride it in. If nothing else, wincing at what puberty is inflicting on poor Tom Felton and trying to guess which register Daniel Radcliffe's voice will be in for his next line should keep even the Potter-tolerators who have been drug to the theater busy while the rest of us who like these things enjoy the film.

Around the World in 80 Days (Jun 16, 2004): Looks interesting, I'll give it that. Hadn't bet on Jackie Chan, but I won't bet against him either. Doesn't look like it has a whole lot of contact with the book, but I'm a sucker for the old Adventurer's Club stuff. And Steve Coogan is seriously chanelling our favorite Time Lord, Paul McGann. That's never bad in these things.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (Jun 25, 2004): Another hopeful visionary tries to put something new on the screen that looks old. I love this sort of stuff so I will be onsite to see it. Jude Law for the girls to swoon over, and Angelina Jolie and Gwynneth Paltrow for the guys can only help. Besides, we haven't had a good giant robots tromping through the city film in a long time (that last Godzilla did NOT count).

Spiderman 2 (June 30, 20004): After some recent shenanigans with the release date we're all going to have to wait a little longer for the lastest installment in the story of our friendly neighborhood web-slinger. Doctor Octopus will be on hand to put the hurt on our boy and the trailers look mighty good, I do have to say. Should be worth the wait.

DVD/Video:

The Matrix Revolutions (Apr 6, 2004): Everything that has a beginning has an end, they say. It wasn't a cinematic masterpiece, but I want to sit down and watch all three of them back to back.

Kill Bill Volume 1 (Apr 13, 2004): Tarantino's slick, ultraviolent kung-fu flick hits DVD just in time for you to study up for Volume 2 (due in theaters on April 16th).

Master and Commander (Apr 20, 2004): A film I joyfully splashed around in for it's theatrical run and we've been holding station off it's port bow waiting for the DVD release.

The Last Samurai (May 4, 2004): I never got to see this one in theaters, but I'll be ready to give this one a viewing at home. I've heard good and bad about this history but this should at leat provide a good launching point to look it up for myself. Tom Cruise annoys me, but Ken Watanabe is a great craftsman. Ironically, his next performance will be as the immortal and evil Ra's Al Ghul in the next installment in the Batman series. Talk about Good vs. Evil.

Something's Gotta Give (Mar 30, 2004): A bit frothy and formulaic for my tastes, but strong performances by both leads (Jack Nickelson and Diane Keaton) are what sold it for me. This one just joined "Shirley Valentine" as one of my mom's favorite films of all time.

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (May 25, 2004): That's the date for the two-disk theatrical release - the Please Please Please Get A Life Club Edition is scheduled for November. That's okay. I've already handed my wallet to Mr. Jackson twice, so I might as well finish the job. I am a complete wonk and you all know it so I won't go into it yet again so I'll just say that I'll be wibbling in place by my mailbox that day.